My Motherhood Journey (continued/es)

Tomorrow is my birthday and it is normally during the lead up to my birthday, when I look back on many of the gifts I have been blessed with in life. I started talking about this in my last post. A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to the radio and heard of a memorial service that took place in Leicester, for parents who had lost children to miscarriage, stillbirth etc. It got me thinking about my own experience when I also lost a child through ectopic pregnancy. At the time I did not fully grieve and hearing that radio announcement prompted me put my thoughts together in the following poem;

Passing Away.

Just passed off,
I made nothing of it.
A touch of sickness,
no need for alarm.

Weeks passed,
but not the pain.
Stabbing further inside me,
till I could not stand.

The tears in my eyes,
the blood I shed.
No more movement,
was this the end?

The revelation.
Inside me a growth,
of new life.
My heart sank.

Not in my fate,
I lacked maturity.
I felt a bond,
with that tiny blob.

A person to me,
part of my soul,
then taken away
pain in my whole being.

my aching heart,
hurt more than my stitches,
given a gift,
then taken away.

I plodded along,
without fully grieving.
within me a longing,
to be a mother.

It stayed with me
and was replayed.
The hope of happy news,
then a negative test.

Feeling less of a woman,
what was wrong.
Why was I starved
of a maternal bond?

Comments

2016 in Pictures- The High's within the Low's!

I mentioned in my last post what an adventure 2016 was for me. Among the toxins that were in my life ,on the creative side I’ve actually surprised myself at how much I achieved. This is a positive step towards starting the new year. It is easy to feel disheartened about the resolutions that never came into play the previous year, to the point that we do not bother making any the following year. I’ve learnt we should always look for the positives and not dwell on the negatives. It is actually the better level of success with my writing that made me realise that this is the path I would like to follow professionally and that the end of certain chapters in my life were a sign that writing is my new chapter. Here is a list (where possible with pictures) of some of my 2016 writing highlights: De Monfort university bookshop stocked one of my books, the anthology I wrote for young adults. I was invited to Moat Community College to conduct a writing workshop as part of ...

Locked in reflection!

I have been contemplating starting my blog again for a while now. When the lock down was announced I set myself a to do list of both work related goals and practical ones, but also some fun, creative goals. Among them was starting my blog again. This post has been drafted and edited several times in the last few weeks as other things take over. Homeschooling a pre-teen and keeping on top of my own day job has delayed the plan very slightly. The last time I blogged was at the beginning of 2017. This lock down has certainly brought out a more reflective side in me. In. I would say it is an invaluable time to take stock and reflect on life in general. We can really look at where we were to where we are now to where we would like to be. There is probably a reason why I have started my blog again during lock down. Looking back at some of the blog archives, I remember what a different place I was back then. It may seem like my blog has been quiet for th...

Tropical Summer

Over the summer period make the best of the sale at Tropic skincare. As well as the products I mentioned in the previous post, here are some popular items that my customers have requested in skincare and make- up. Tamanu Balm- Great for preventing sun burn and mosquito bites. Mineral Foundation- Much lighter than heavy based liquid foundations at this time of year with extra sweating from the sun. Gel Eye Liner- When I tried a sample of this on my hand I had to do a lot of scrubbing to get it off, now I am a convert to the product, my mum has purchased one too. Great to avoid make up melt down, no need for touch ups throughout the day. Mineral Eye Shadow- For when you want to glam it up on a summer evening check out this lightweight product, check the website for marked down prices. To find out more about these and other sun glamming and survival products please check out my website www.tropicsk...

maverickmommaadventures

Search This Blog