My Motherhood Journey (continued/es)

Tomorrow is my birthday and it is normally during the lead up to my birthday, when I look back on many of the gifts I have been blessed with in life. I started talking about this in my last post. A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to the radio and heard of a memorial service that took place in Leicester, for parents who had lost  children to miscarriage, stillbirth etc. It got me thinking about my own experience when I also lost a child through ectopic pregnancy. At the time I did not fully grieve and hearing that radio announcement  prompted me put my thoughts together in the following poem;

Passing Away.

Just passed off,
I made nothing of it.
A touch of sickness,
no need for alarm.

Weeks passed,
but not the pain.
Stabbing further inside me,
till I could not stand.

The tears in my eyes,
the blood I shed.
No more movement,
was this the end?

The revelation.
Inside me a growth,
of new life.
My heart sank.

Not in my fate,
I lacked maturity.
I felt a bond,
with that tiny blob.

A person to me,
part of my soul,
then taken away
pain in my whole being.

my aching heart,
hurt more than my stitches,
given a gift,
then taken away.

I plodded along,
without fully grieving.
within me a longing,
to be a mother.

It stayed with me
and was replayed.
The hope of happy news,
then a negative test.

Feeling less of a woman,
what was wrong.
Why was I starved
of a maternal bond?